To some extent, it was this difference of opinion that resulted in my becoming a single mother. However, that simplifies the situation a little. It was one of the bigger issues however, though I once believed it to be many different little things. I now realise though that it's not really many different things, just one big thing. Extreme selfishness. Now I can be a selfish person. There have been days where I've begged the toddler, my daughter, to just let me have a bit of time to myself to read a book, or do the laundry or something, rather than sit giving her my undivided attention for a full twenty-four hours. Admittedly, that happens most days, but only because the chores really have to be done. And she is pretty self-sufficient at times, able to amuse herself for short periods and stuff. However, my now ex-fiance and his family would probably think I am being too soft or something. Most members of his family, himself included, I have realised exhibit what I now refer to as extreme selfishness. It encompasses a complete disregard for all others, and the ability to put no one but themselves first, ever. Of course, again it is somewhat over-simplified. You have to experience this firsthand maybe. But this sort of thing is bizarre to me. As a mother, I would find it impossible to always put my needs over the toddler's. She is a gorgeous little person, and so sweet and funny. At times she can be trying, and a nuisance, and even an absolut nightmare. But she is a person, and not quite yet three, so such behaviour is, in my opinion, excusable.
Her other relatives, AKA The Family, would disagree. I recall one time recently when the toddler and I had accompanied the ex and his dreaded relations on yet another of their family trips around town (And it is a small town in which we live). The toddler was teething, getting her four last teeth all at once no less, and deigned to have a bit of a sudden unprovoked tantrum in the middle of some overcrowded cafe. The ex's mother imediately declared that that was a temper that was, and we must put an immediate stop to such behaviour. Now as the caring and concerned mother I am, I was appalled. The toddler is usually beautifully behaved, and such behaviour was, and I hope continues to be, unusual. My automatic repsonse to her tantrum, as a caring kind of person, was to feel distressed by my inabilty to soothe her, and relieve whatever (I suspect pain) was causing her tantrum. No such sympathy from The Family however. I try and explain that she's teething and probably in pain, but no concern from them, no. She had had the nerve to disturb their peace. Hmm. As I said, a difference of opinion.
Other things that are a part of this selfishness include their attitudes towards presents, both the giving and receiving of. They will not deliver presents to the recipient. You have to go and collect them if you want them. Also, they do not bestow upon you gifts that you would necessarily like or need. If you don't like what they get you, tough. If they get you something you already have, tough. Now, I am the sort of person who will try and get someone something I think that they will like, and if I can, I shall deliver it to them on the appropriate day. Admittedly I am not so good at this when the recipient is someone who lives in a different town or city, like my older sister or closest friend. But The Family all live here, in our small town. ANd who knows what they'll all be getting for the toddler for her birthday next month. Despite the fact that I'm her mother, and am not going to be the recipient of the their gifts, they won't let me in on their plans. I can request things that she would like, or that would be useful for her, but no, they already have their own ideas. That's how we've come to have a house full of toys she never plays with, and that take up too much space. We have no room for anything else, but that doesn't matter to The Family. They will do as they wish of course, with no regard for anyone else.
I don't know. Very strange. Or maybe it's just me.
