The Psycho

Also known as the ex's brother. I do think it's strange for him to have such a strong negative opinion of me, given that he barely knows me, and as far as I'm aware I've not actually ever done anything to him. Other than exist of course. And have a four and a half year relationship with his younger brother. Hmm.

I used to get upset by his attitude, but I have to say, given time, and recent events, I now find the situation rather entertaining. About a year and a half ago, when I'd just come out of hospital after a severe bout of cholocystitis, I had a bit of a row with the ex regarding his child maintenance payments. He owed me a fair amount you see, as he hadn't paid me anything while I was in hospital. Anyway, Psycho took it upon himself to go round to my parents, where I was living at the time, and and get a bit, something. I wasn't there as I'd gone out to do some shopping. That's why I'd phoned the ex, hoping that he could meet me and pay this money. Anyway, the ex claimed that he was too ill to go out or something, and that he'd send Psycho around to my parents with the money.

Anyway, apparently Psycho turned up, told my parents that he'd advised the ex to pay me nothing, bearing in mind the child maintenance is for the toddler, not me. Hmm. He also claimed that the ex had taken out a huge loan, "To keep me in designer clothing". Amusing considering I've never owned a single item of designer clothing in my life. I tend to live in New Look, and Sainsbury's finest. Topshop, M&S, and Miss Selfridge at a push, but I consider them a splurge. I'm not exactly loaded. And never have been. Certainly not when I was a student, as I was for the majority of my relationship with the ex. Hmm. I'm flattered Psycho could make that error, but until last summer I considered myself queen of the frump. All my stuff was old and manky. I must confess to a splurge in H&M though, last summer. But it was very necessary. And Psycho was unaware of this. And H&M is hardly Gucci now. They do very nice clothes at H&M though.

Psycho does this though. He forms such strong but groundless opinions of people, and that makes such statements to people, and makes himself look like a complete idiot. The thing with the bailiffs for example. His shop has been hounded by the bailiffs of late as he refuses to pay the council tax, as he doesn't get waste collection at the shop or something. Anyway, when they first turned up, he called the police. And the second time they turned up, he called the police again. He also called the police when some builders spilt some oil or something on the grass in his garden. The grass in the affected area was killed you see. Naturally, the police didn't do anything about it. And they were reluctant to get involved with the bailiffs too. Bet the police dread Psycho's phone calls. Either that or they find him very entertaining. My parents and I certainly do.

He's just been in the local paper again actually, complaining about the fact that a bridge is being closed for vital maintenance and repair work. Hmm. I'm no bridge expert, but if it's in need of repair and maintenance, I'm all for them shutting it so that they can repair it and stuff. Psycho shall of course be inconvenienced by this of course, as he uses this bridge to get to work. It's closure will involve him having to take a slightly different, and slightly longer route every morning and evening. Worth complaining to the papers for of course. Hmm.

I'm just eagerly awaiting the next installment.

Yet Another Year

The toddler is now three years old. I consider it a great achievement to have kept her alive so long. Though she is a giant it has to be said. Everyone at her toddler group thought she must be four, but no, she is only three. And by some miracle, her father actually managed to arrange a sort of family party for her. Of course, me and my mum had a little party for her on her actual birthday. The proper thing shall be tomorrow, as that's when everyone else in my family shall be available. But when arranging things with her father and his family, well, it can be tricky. Last year none of them turned up. I kind of put my foot down about it this year. And they managed to bring her presents to her, so we didn't have to go and visit each of them in turn like we did on her first birthday. I was still with her father back then you see, so I reluctantly took his family's nonsense. Hmm. Fun times.

Anyway, she's now three. And she loves birthdays, and chocolate cake, and presents, and balloons. And today's party almost provided those things. There was cake, but it was a pink fairy cake, not the chocolate cake she requested. But The Family are somewhat determined to stick to stereotypes. All girls should want pink fairy themed cakes of course. Hmm. She ate her icing, but like me she doesn't seem to like regular jammy sponge cake. Or trifle. They had to have a trifle too. But they only doubled up on one present this year. That's progress. Of course, asking what she's already got would be too sensible. But there we go. And the sullen cousin wouldn't sing happy birthday, and complained about her eating the icing stars off the cake, and bitched about the presents. But the sullen cousin is a spoilt brat who can't handle anyone else getting anything when she doesn't. She is only seven I suppose. Hmm. Still a spoilt brat though.

But it was definately an improvement on last year. Like I said, none of them turned up. But they never tend to visit her. We have to go to them, and fit in with their shopping schedule. The toddler finds it very boring of course, and maybe that association was responsible for the minor tantrum she threw. Hmm. Who knows. She was not going to tell me what the problem was. Though she did enjopy opening the presents, bless her.

I wonder what will be achieved next year. And in some weird way, I actually look forward to finding out. Just as long as her psychotic uncle continues to keep away.

Personal Choice

When I was a child, my mother stayed at home bringing up my two sisters and myself. I never thought that there was anything wrong with this. Most of my childhood friends also had their mothers at home. And back then, I think society as a whole accepted that. Yet now, as a stay at home mother, I seem to come across an awful lot of prejudice against mothers who choose to stay at home with their children.

Now maybe I'm just being stupid, but why should I want to pay someone else to bring up my child for me while I earn a pittance, most of which ends up paying for the childcare? And especially when I would rather be at home bringing up my child myself anyway? This attitude was emphasised however, when getting her birth registered. When hearing that I was unemployed, they asked me what my previous job was. And when i mentioned working as a waitress while I was at university, they seized on that. My daughter's birth certificate therefore states that I am a graduate. Great. Mine states my mother as a homemaker or something like that. Though of course, that doesn't appear to be acceptable anymore.

But seriously. When my daughter was born, I was always being asked when I planned to start work. My answer has always been, when she starts school. And I have to say, this is often met with a look of disapproval. And this was before I became a single mother scrounging off the government. Though, like I said, I do want to start work when she's at school. Being at home forever does not appeal to me. I'm not lazy. I just want to be there for my own child, bringing her up my way. Why should I pay someone else to do the job that I want to do, and that I can do, just so that I can do some other job?

Of course, if you're a working mother then that's your choice, and I respect that. But please in that case respect my decision. It doesn't make me any less of a person, or any worse a person. It just makes me someone who made a different choice to the one you made. And it's not like it's an easy job either. However, I find it incredibly rewarding. More so than many other jobs out there. And it is a job by the way.

In any case, I suppose I pity those people who believe themselves above women like me. I pity then for being unable to understand why someone might make the choice I've made. Married or not, the decision is about doing what we believe to be best for our children. And ok I admit there is a bit of selfishness in there. I want to be the one who first hears her utter new words, or first witnesses her latest accomplishments. But I'm the one who brought her into the world, so why shouldn't I be allowed such privileges? Some women may decide to stay at home because they have a husband who earns enough to support them and the children. These same women may also still pay people to bring up their kids for them. However, not all of us stay at home mothers choose this option because we don't wish to work. Lots of working mothers work because they are better off financially. I would be better off if I worked, but I made the decision to be worse off so I can bring my daughter up. I am no better than them. They are no better than me. We just made a different choice.

There are two sides to this argument, and I personally do not feel that any one side is right. It should be down to what you personally think is the best thing for yourself and your child, not what society as a whole seems to deem most appropriate. Trends do of course change with time. Who knows, it could all change again soon enough. And then mothers like myself may be looking down on those who choose to work.