Grey

I’m in what I shall call a grey mood today.  The sky’s grey and miserable.  Everything outside besides the sky looks grey and miserable.  I feel grey and miserable.  But I must remind myself that at least the grey hides the sun, which would be at that really annoying blinding height.  Grrr.  So at least I can see when I go out.  I wasn’t blinded on the way to school this morning, and I won’t be blinded when I go to pick The Child up later.  I wish the grey would help me see other things more clearly though.  I think I might have a tough decision coming up soon.  To be honest, I’ve had a tough decision to make for a while now, but it’s changed slightly now.  I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not.  I certainly wasn’t expecting The Situation to take this kind of turn anyway.  And for all my fear of getting hurt, I’m pretty sure that is now completely unavoidable.  Grrrr.  Oh well.

At least it’s not snowing here yet.

It’s Been a While

It’s been a while since Postie stopped me on the main street.  This is the first time he’s actually stopped me to give me some post though.  And I’m not going to complain as it’s saved me a trip to the post office tomorrow.  I knew my book would arrive today, as I’d be out at uni.  Sod’s law.  And the book has a bit of information that would have been very useful for the assignment I had to hand in today.  Typical.  Grrrr.  At least Postie’s still kind of being friendly again.  I guess anyway.  But I suppose it’s a long while since The Child chased him down the street yelling “Stop Postman!” at the top of her voice.  I still cringe at the memory.

I had my counselling class today as well.  It’s been a long while since I’ve written essays, but I seemed to do alright on my mini one last week.  I’ll have to wait until next week of course to see how well I did on the one I handed in today.  I still picked up a leaflet with tips on essay writing, as there will be a 2000 word essay to write at the end of the course.  Fingers crossed I do ok.  I’m still enjoying it though, so that’s a good thing.  And I’m beginning to feel more comfortable with everyone now.  And I can’t believe there’s only three weeks left.  Hopefully the next module will start soon after that.  I ought to find out about applying for that really.

I’m not a big fan of Refresher Course though I have to confess.  She’s in my counselling class, and claims to have trained as a counsellor before now.  In that case I’m confused as to why she’s there really.  But that’s not the issue.  It’s the patronising know it all attitude she has.  But never mind.  I’m sure she doesn’t mean to come across that way.  It just makes me uncomfortable.  And I know I’m not the only one.  The rest of us are beginners though in the whole counselling thing.  I don’t claim to know much, and we did cover some of this stuff in my degree.  Only briefly though, which is why I don’t know much.  But if I did, I wouldn’t use my knowledge to belittle others, and patronise.  But that’s just me.  Hmmm.

Nits. Joy

The Child has nits.  I knew it would happen eventually.  I suppose I should be glad she got through nursery unscathed really.  It’s just such a pain.  And I’ve heard that they’re a bugger to shift as well.  When I was a kid you could just bung on a bit of nit shampoo, and they were away.  Now the critters have become immune to the stuff so you have to spend hours combing with the nit comb, and pray you haven’t missed any.  To be fair, my mum used to spend hours nit combing our hair too, but still.  The Child hates the nit comb.  Well, she did after she’s been sitting in the bath for ages.  She was patient for a while at first. 

The worst bit was trying to comb my own hair.  I don’t have any nice husband or partner to do that for me, given that I’m a scum of the earth single mother (though in my defence I am now a jobseeker.  And I’m not even on Jobseeker’s Allowance yet!  Who’d believe it eh?).  I tried combing through over the bath at first, but was worried I wasn’t getting to all the hair that way.  It is so difficult when you can’t see what you’re doing.  But when I tried it upright in front of a mirror, I kept managing to get the comb totally tangled in my hair, despite having allegedly got all the knots out.  It proved to kill my evening, my patience, and was incredibly painful to boot.  Now I’m not sure if I managed to get rid of any lice or eggs in my hair (assuming I had any), but I am certain that I managed to skin a large portion of my scalp.  Ouch.

Anyway, I have been pretty vigilant since her school texted with the joyful news that there had been a few cases reported.  And so, when I was brushing her hair this morning I had a check as usual.  And I saw absolutely tons of eggs in her hair!  I didn’t see any lice, but the eggs were all the evidence I needed.  They were still dark, so I presume that means they had yet to hatch.  Hopefully I got the worst removed today, but I might see if we can do some more combing tomorrow.  I predict a battle however, but we’ll see.  And I feel as though my head is crawling.  I did such a bad job of my own hair earlier, I’ll be amazed if I got rid of any in my hair.  I just hope I haven’t got any yet.  I’ll soon find out for sure I suppose.  Joy.

And So It Goes On

Well, in a little while I might have myself a volunteer job.  Yay.  And even though it shall include working with children, it shouldn’t actually be too bad.  Did I mention that I’m terrified of children other than my own?  I never know what to say to them or anything.  I found it difficult to relate to children even when I was a child.  Anyway, I’m optimistic about this job.  Of course it’ll be primarily on Saturdays, which could pose a problem when I get a paid job.  Hmm.  But I’ll worry about that if and when it becomes an issue.  Anyway, I may end up with a volunteer job.  And I’m doing my counselling skills course.  My CV shouldn’t look so totally empty soon.  Of course it could be better, but still.  And who knows, maybe I’ll snag myself a nice waitressing job soon or something.  Fingers crossed.  Though I’ve got my next work focused interview at the Jobcentre next week.  Hopefully they’ll be able to give me some answers this time too.  I know what changes are taking place of course, but I want to know when they’ll effect me.  In other words, I want to know when I’m going to be switched to Jobseekers, so I can do my damnedest to get a job before then.

And so, soon I might not define myself solely as a single mother with a psychology degree.  It’ll be nice to be able to say something that sounds a bit less like dosser.  Not that I do sit around on my arse all day.  I find it hard to believe that any parent finds the time to waste doing nothing all day.  I’m always shattered in the evening courtesy of a day spent tidying, cleaning, and trying to cater to The Child’s demands.  And now she’s at school all day.  Oh well.  I guess I’m just one of the majority of single parents who didn’t get pregnant so I could claim benefits and a council house.  I’ve yet to meet a single parent who did actually, and though I don’t know many, I know of a few single parents.  That said, I shall not go off on this tangent.  I haven’t come across the prejudice for a while.  But I would just like to say, I only stayed at home so I could spend enough time being a mother to my daughter.  Now she’s at school, I’m trying to do something with my life.  There are many more out there like me.

And speaking of The Child, her social life is really taking off now.  Two parties in the next fortnight, and her best friend wants to have her round for tea.  She’s such a popular little thing.  She’s so unlike me.  That is so a good thing.  Bless her.

Reading

Now, I’m having another proud mummy moment.  The Child is doing really well with learning to read at school.  And now she rarely wants me to read her a bedtime story (one of her favourite things until now), as she wants to read me a bedtime story.  Maybe I lavish too much praise on her, but I am so proud when she reads all of her book, stumbling on only one or two words.  As far as I’m concerned she deserves all the praise she gets.  She does find the stories a bit simplistic though, and will add her own bits once she’s finished reading what’s on the page.

Her love of reading is definitely something to encourage though.  I love reading too, so I suppose she’s grown up surrounded by books, and being cared for by someone who almost always has her face buried in a book of some description.  Bookshelves are a constant need of ours.  Yet I shall never admit to having too many books.  In my mind you can never have too many books.  I think I could quite happily live in a library or bookshop, and I have a feeling that The Child would agree with me there.  Books.  We need more books.  And bookshelves would be an added bonus.

The Most Depressing Day of the Year

Yeah, it’s got me too.  Today I’ve been feeling just a tad less optimistic than I have been recently.  Of course, this time of year is crap.  It’s cold.  I’m broke.  At least it wasn’t wet though.  And it could have been much worse.  In fact there has been no specific reason to feel a bit miserable today.  The Child has been remarkably well behaved.  She was dressed almost as soon as she got up, and then she ate her breakfast quickly.  And after school she made no argument with getting changed early so I could get things in the washing machine.  She even ate all her tea.  Of course that just makes me suspicious, but I’m not going to argue.

So, to cheer myself up I think I might read for a bit.  The Child’s in bed already.  Bizarre.  She read her school book with time left over for a bedtime story.  She’s been lovely today.  It’s made a very refreshing change.  And I’m feeling pretty good about my uni assignment too.  So why do I feel crap?  I blame January.  And possibly this Blue Monday thing.  It certainly has nothing to do with The Child.  Or my course.  Or The Ex even.  Though he did find out today that he is definitely being made redundant.  Of course, I’ve been telling him that it was as good as guaranteed when he first found out it was a possibility.  He’s being suspiciously optimistic about finding another job soon though.  Maybe getting a job isn’t actually as difficult as he’s been making out?  I hope not, as I’ll be applying for things as soon as something I can actually do comes up.  When I say something I can actually do, I mean something that doesn’t require me to be able to drive, or to have a qualification that I don’t actually have.  Though of course waitressing would be preferred right now.  And I might have a volunteer job soon provided the interview thing I have on Friday goes alright.  Fingers crossed.

There, I’m being positive again.  It will all be fine.  The Child and me won’t be homeless in July.  I’ll get a job with enough hours (another issue when looking by the way.  There was one a couple of weeks that seemed perfect, until I read that it was for seven hours a week only.  Pointless.), and then we’ll be fine.  Yay.  I hope.

Thank god for The Child today though.  She’s been so lovely.  It’s actually really nice to know that she still can behave well.  I wish she’d be like this a bit more often though.  Hmmm.

Brain Transplant?

Ok, its official.  Something is seriously wrong with me.  I have almost got the March birthdays and Mother’s Day sorted already.  And we’re only halfway through January.  What happened to my usual last minuteness?  I must have had a brain transplant or something.  I’ve been way too positive lately, and am using my brain far too much.  But I seriously am thinking this year could be a good one.  It started well, and maybe I’m counting my eggs before they’re in the basket, but it’s weird for me to still be feeling this positive this far in to the year.  Normally I’m feeling crap about stuff from the word go.  Sure I’m still scared I won’t find a job by July and will have to move to some grotty little house in a crap area of town (if I’d even be able to afford that), but I don’t know, the fears aren’t plaguing me yet.  It could change though I suppose.  I hope not though.  I actually rather like the new me.  Though I still have my dark sense of humour.

I just have to make sure I keep The Child on the straight and narrow.  I don’t want her ripping anyone’s heart out or anything.  Bless her bizarre outbursts.

I just have one thing to add.  People who actively try to stuff things up for their ‘friend’, why do they do it?  The Ex has on going club drama.  One member of the club is trying to cause problems for two others who have just got engaged.  They haven’t been together long, and therefore hadn’t told relatives yet.  So what does this girl do?  She goes and tells the guy’s sister.  Oh and she also tells the sister that the fiancée's a bit of a slapper as well.  Nice.  I certainly wouldn’t do that to any of my friends.  Come to think of it, I wouldn’t do that to anyone I didn’t like either.  Some people.  I don’t know.  Madness.

The World Is My Oyster?

I’m hoping it is anyway.  Now I’ve started my counselling skills course, I’m very sure counselling is what I want to do.  I’m just going to have to find a way to fund it once I have to start working.  I’m sure I’ll be able to carry it all on part-time, it’s just the money issue I think.  And I’ve also finally heard from one of the volunteering organisations I applied to.  Maybe this year will be a good one after all.

And maybe if I can get that part of my life somewhat sorted, The Situation might prove resolvable too.  One way or the other.  Fingers crossed.  I’ve certainly been feeling more positive about it this past week.  That could soon change of course, but I will try not to dwell on that.

The Child continues to be happy at school.  I’m a little worried about the nits warning though.  I’ve heard bad stories about trying to delouse children.  That joy is still ahead of me it seems, for I haven’t spotted anything in The Child’s hair yet.  Of course I could have missed it, but she doesn’t seem to be scratching, which I take as a positive sign.

She made me a kite today at school.  She glued a piece of furry material to some paper, and stuck some string on it.  She likes making kites.  She also likes making anything that involves sellotape.  Maybe I should have just got her a load of sellotape for Christmas.  Hmm.  At least she’s creative.  But most people in my family are creative.  Well we try to be anyway.

Moving On

Well, tomorrow’s a big day for me.  I start my counselling skills part one course.  I can’t wait.  I’m really hoping I enjoy it, and that I’m not totally useless.  Though to be honest I don’t think I will be.  I’m good at listening.  It’s just the other things I’ll need to learn.  I can do empathy and stuff, but counselling is so much more than listening and empathising.  I just hope that I can do all the parts of the course eventually, and actually do something with it.  I’ve wanted to do counselling since I was eighteen.  I just needed the motivation, and the support I guess. 

So, the counselling course starts tomorrow.  Maybe soon I’ll have a job as well.  And maybe The Situation will be resolved soon too.  I’m determined to remain positive this year, I am.  It’s had a good start so far, and I hope the positive feelings remain.  I felt rubbish at the start of last year, and it was a rubbish year.  I felt positive at the start of this one, so maybe it’ll be a positive year.  Yes I’m talking a load of bollocks, but I don’t care.  I’m going to get out into the real world this year.  I’m going to witness loads of random madness that I can put down here.  Nothing counselling related of course though.  That stuff’s confidential.

Oh, and The Child started back at school yesterday.  What does she do her first day back?  Fall and cut her cheek open.  She had a good day despite this.  In fact she was thrilled telling me the story of her accident all the way home.  She freaked out a bit when she saw the damage admittedly, but she was reassured this morning when she saw it was looking a bit better.  She’s a mad thing, bless her.  And I’m so glad she’s happy to be back.  I know I’m happy she’s back.  And I spent my first day of freedom tidying and cleaning her bedroom.  It won’t be long before it’s a bombsite again though of course, but never mind.

A Little More Madness

I forgot to mention the two random blokes who dropped their trousers shortly after midnight on New Year.  The poor DJ didn’t know what to do.  He just stood at his decks staring, laughing, pointing, but not saying anything.  No one intervened.  They eventually pulled up their trousers, but not before the bulk of us in the nightclub (next to no one as it happened) had seen everything.  Joy.  I found the DJ’s response more amusing than the act actually.  But maybe I’m just a miserable bastard.

And today The Child said something that is both somewhat sweet, and just a little bit disturbing.  “If you were trapped by a man I would rip out his heart, and then he’d be dead!”  Yeah.  Nice to know she would save me and all that, but her method is just a wee bit bloodthirsty in my opinion.  She then went on to add, “If I had a sword I would stab him in the stomach.”  Ta.  At least she loves me.  And to be fair, if he life was threatened there isn’t much I wouldn’t do to save her.  But she was just talking about me being trapped.  Hmm.  I won’t worry too much, but if she’s still saying such things in a few years time I might begin to.

New Year

Ok, I am so glad I went out last night.  Town was dead.  No one went out to celebrate.  Me and my friend were the only two people on the dance floor just prior to midnight.  Big Ben starts chiming and a few more came to join us, but then they soon cleared off again.  Still, we had a laugh.  And I’m so glad my friend could make it as she’d been really ill the day before.  She was determined to go out though, so I owe her one I think.  Anyway, despite town being dead, we managed to meet some random people.

First random person: He kept telling us to smile.  Why?  I was smiling I thought.  Or is my dancing face not good?  Perhaps I look miserable as hell while trying to dance.  I hope not.  And besides, the place was dead.  My mate and me were the only two people on the dance floor.  It was crap.

Second random person: While I was waiting for my taxi home, we met a one-eyed man who had been thrown out of the casino.  I didn’t ask why he’d been thrown out of the casino, but his story about how he’d lost the eye made me nervous enough.  Apparently his brother had been about to stab his wife in front of his nine kids (or something), and one-eyed man had hauled him back and had his eye ripped out instead.  Nice.  He gave some nice detail as well.  Bet my friend appreciated that given her stomach was still feeling a bit dodgy.  I didn’t appreciate it over much I have to say.  Needless to say I was relived when his taxi arrived.

Third random person: Some poor drunk bloke stumbled into the taxi office, trying to bribe his way to an instant lift home.  It didn’t work, given the wait for taxi’s was ages.  It was New Year after all.  Anyway, he sits down all glum, gets out his phone and starts texting away.  He then makes a call I can only assume was to a girlfriend.  He was pleading and promising that he would be home soon, and trying to explain the ridiculous wait times for a taxi when the person on the other end obviously hung up.  He looked crushed, and stumbled outside looking like he was about to cry.  He vanished shortly after that.  Oh dear. 

Bouncer Lady: Was scared of a guy in a stormtrooper costume and came into the taxi office to hide until he’d gone.  Bless her.

It was a good night.  And I witnessed a little bit of madness too.  And for once I was not the mad person.  Yay.  Definitely a good night. 

Happy New Year by the way.