Victorian Dress Up Day. Hurrah

Tomorrow The Child has a Victorian dress up day at school.  Finding her something to use as a costume has been a huge pain in the backside.  Actually, that’s not entirely true.  Almost as soon as I saw the letter I thought of an old dress my sister gave us that I let The Child use for dressing up.  Worn over a dark dress it might just do for a pinafore type thing.  And I have to credit The Ex with getting hold of the black dress thing and the bonnet.  She should look ok I think.  Hopefully.  This costume is a vast improvement on the ladybird one we made for World Book Day last summer.  Of course, The Child isn’t that fussy yet.  She just enjoys the novelty of the thing.  Thankfully.  But there is no way I’d buy a costume that’s only really going to be used once.  Her princess dress has had a lot of wear, but dressing as a Victorian?  I don’t see The Child wanting to do that much in the future.  And at least they aren’t doing some more fussy and complicated era.  Yet.  Trying to scrounge up an Elizabethan type ruff could prove interesting.  Paper doilies perhaps?

The Ideas Kids Get

I had yet another bizarre/amusing/worrying conversation with The Child earlier.  It seems she’s somehow got it into her her head that head-butting someone in the throat, or getting them in a breath constricting headlock helps them get to sleep.  A permanent kind of sleep perhaps.  But it perhaps explains the bedtime headlock cuddles she gives me almost every night.  She likes to cut off my ability to breathe, but it comes from a good place.  Bless her.

This revelation came about when she told me she was going to head-butt her cuddly penguins in their throats tonight to help them get to sleep.  She also claims they head-butt her in the throat too.  I really don’t want to know what games she plays with them really.  Ignorance is bliss and all that.

Of course, The Child isn’t really a psychopath or anything like that.  I was obsessed with things that kill people when I was her age.  Sharks and dinosaurs and stuff like that.  Oh, and when I saw Jaws for the first time, I was disappointed by the lack of gore.  Oh, and I was just a little bit gutted when the shark dies at the end.  How I wanted the shark to win.  And now I’m a relatively normalish kind of person, so The Child will turn out ok I’m sure.  I hope anyway.  Eek.

How Do They Do It?

I see so many benefit bashing threads online.  I try not to read them.  I really do.  I just find them upsetting and they tend to written by such small minded judgemental people.  The people who would have had me stay with The Ex, despite the emotional abuse, so that I wouldn’t now be this unemployed single mum that I currently am.  Anyhow, I suppose the problem people who write these sorts of threads on forums have is with the small minority of people who totally work the benefits system.  This minority of people, such as The Ex’s family, always seem to have the latest TV and mobile.  As someone who gets the full whack of single mum with one child benefits, I have no idea how they do it.  I’m struggling to make ends meet on what I get.  And yes, I know I’d be much better off with a job.  Provided I don’t have to pay out much for childcare.  Childcare costs could result in me being worse off actually.  Though I assure any benefit bashing people out there that I am looking for work, despite this fact.  And I’m not even on Jobseekers yet, so there.  It’s just that there have been a sever lack of jobs available with appropriate hours.  As a single mum, I can’t do night-shifts etc.  Anyway, I honestly have no idea how people in my situation do it.  How can they afford new iPhones?  My mobile keeps doing dodgy things and I’m praying it keeps going for a little while longer, because I won’t be able to afford a new one.  Until I get a job anyway.  And it’s not like the child or me eat much.  We make our clothes last a while too.  It’s ages since I had a wardrobe upgrade.  Oh, and before anyone thinks I’m moaning about this inability to afford new clothes and mobiles, I’m not.  Why would I expect to be able to afford such things in my situation?  If I want an expensive treat, I save up my birthday and Christmas money, and eat less.  The Child, bills and rent always come first.  So it this how these people do it then?  Do they buy all the latest stuff by not paying rent and bills?  Possibly.  I wouldn’t know.  Because despite being on benefits, I’m (quite rightly) absolutely broke.  For me the odd book/CD/DVD is a splurge.  And I don’t remember the last time I ever paid full price for one of those things.  Sales are my friend.  But I’m still left wondering, how do they do it?

Feeling Old

I don’t drink much or often.  But occasionally I will treat myself to the odd bottle of wine.  Especially if it’s on offer.  Anyway, in order to celebrate the fact that I’m now officially pushing thirty (eek!) I purchased myself some wine.  Now, another woman on the self-service checkout next to mine was also getting wine.  I see this woman often as we pass on the school run.  She's undoubtedly prettier than me, but I’d always thought we looked a similar age.  Anyhow, we both finished at the same time, but the guy working these checkouts went to her first.  He ID’d her and she was both surprised and annoyed (as I would have been).  She had no ID so had to give up the wine.  He then immediately turned to me and said without giving it a second thought, “You’re alright.”  Yes I got my wine, and I’ve not been ID’d since I was twenty-three, but still.  I suppose I’m glad I don’t look that young really.  I just don’t want to look old.  Not yet.  Especially as I feel bloody old at times.  But bearing in mind I’m now almost thirty, I could have done with that little ego boost.  Grrr.  The cake cheered me up though.  As did the wine.

But I do feel old sometimes.  I act like a kid so often, and then feel embarrassed, thinking I should at least be playing at being a grown up.  But how does one act like a grown up?  We’re supposed to be responsible I suppose?  Well, I can budget, and pay my bills on time and everything.  I’m never short of money for rent because I’m careful not to overspend.  But is that all there is to being a grown up?  Beyond holding down a responsible job (which shall hopefully soon be me)?  Beyond taking good care of any children one might have (that one’s still debatable with me of course, though I do my best)?  Actually The Child makes me feel old.  She finds everything so amazing and exciting and has so much energy.  Was I ever that enthusiastic about anything?  I can’t remember.  And I’m convinced I never had that much energy either.  But maybe I should try and hold onto the childish immature side of me, as then perhaps I won’t ever feel too old.  Perhaps other grown ups out there feel as immature and stupid as I do on occasion.  Though I know I wish The Child wasn’t in such a hurry to get here.  She seems to have far more fun.  Though I remember thinking that grown ups got it easy.  No school.  I didn’t consider what having a job might be like.  And grown ups can watch whatever they like on TV.  They can look at whatever they like on the internet.  They can write whatever they like on the internet.  But kids can get away with naivety.  Try being an overly naive adult, now that’s not so much fun I can tell you.  Though I’m not as bad as I was.  At least I don’t think I am.