Subtle Avoidance

The art of subtle avoidance has lately been demonstrated to me by one Postie.  If you wish to avoid someone making absolutely sure that they’ll have no idea what you’re doing, do as follows:

1. Wear something eye-catching, like the Royal Mail orange waistcoaty jacket thing, and push around a big red Royal Mail trolley thing.
2. Stop spending so much time talking to someone you always used to spend ages talking to, and less encouragement of The Toddler is essential.
3. Start to completely ignore that same someone on occasions when she is alone.  Though not at all times.  We wouldn’t want it to be too obvious.
4. When seeing that someone ahead of you on the street, give a startled expression before bolting across the road at high speed.  A glance back at that someone, just to alert them to the fact that you definitely noticed them is essential.
5. Start cutting out a regular part of your postal route when that someone is going the way you intended to go.  Ensure this happens after she has caught you watching her over a tall wall at this exact spot.  Of course she won’t notice this sudden change at all.

I look forward to further lessons of subtle avoidance.  Of course, I could be wrong.  Maybe I’m being egotistical, or paranoid, or something like that, but I don’t think so.  Hmm.

Freedom!

Parenthood is not easy.  It certainly isn’t when you’re a single parent.  Therefore, I really appreciate my days off.  I don’t get many obviously, though I do have my afternoons now that The Toddler’s at nursery.  Anyway, I was fortunate enough to have the day off today as my lovely parents were willing to take The Toddler off my hands.  I made good use of the time, going back to Leeds, where I used to live.  I saw my best friend, spent money on things I can’t get here in my little seaside town, and made the potential mistake of buying a tambourine for The Toddler.  I saw it and knew she would love it.  I am certain she shall drive me absolutely insane with it in time though.  Bless her.  She was thrilled when I presented her with it though, which makes the sacrifice of some peace and quiet more bearable.  Yes, parenthood is difficult, but also very rewarding. 

But my moment of madness aside, when my train home stopped in York, I was amazed to see some guy drop his burger on the steps down to the platform, scoop it all back up, put it back together, and then eat it.  Hmm, floor burger.  Yum.

The Toddler had a good day.  Apparently she was on her best behaviour, so my parents have promised to take her off my hands again.  Yay.  Though I now have a bucket of seaweed to do something with.  Hmm.  The Toddler will be miffed if I throw it all out, but it is just a little bit smelly.  Hmm.  Decisions decisions.

Flattery

The Toddler is great at flattery.  The other day she said to me, “Did you hurt your big fat tummy?”  She may have taken tips from Big Gran (her great grandma), who is guilty of saying to my older sister, “You’ve put on weight!”  My sister responded with a simple, “Thanks.”  Now I could be wrong, but you aren’t actually supposed to say such things to people are you?  I thought that if anything, you were supposed to say things such as “Have you lost weight?” even if the opposite is clearly the case.  Hmm.  i must be going wrong somewhere.  But I do suspect I would be less popular if I followed in my grandma’s footsteps. 

I will also add that there have been further crossbow attacks on the seagulls.  Someone also attempted to strangle a donkey.  I don’t think it’s a particularly safe place for animals here at the moment.  Hmm.  Frog massacres, crossbowed seagulls, strangled donkeys…

Psycho’s been having fun lately too.  His bank have basically kicked him out because of the complete breakdown of relations or communication or something.  Basically he’s a crap customer.  And I thought The Ex was hopeless with money.  As far as I’m aware he’s never been kicked out of a bank before.  Oh, and the best bit is that it might be due to the trust fund account being ridiculously overdrawn.  Yes, Psycho may have fleeced his own brothers.  Charming man.  And even more charmingly, he had the nerve to ask The Ex if he could borrow The Toddler’s car seat for when he brings his son over from America!  He finally acknowledges The Toddler’s existence, but only because he wants her car seat.  Of course, The Ex has no access to her car seat, so it was a big fat no.  I like to think that it would have been anyway, but given what a pushover The Ex is where his family are concerned, I have to wonder.

I have to confess that I may be guilty of accidentally killing a fly.  Though it may really have been suicide.  I didn’t make the fly land in the pan of boiling water after all.  It was interesting to say the least.  I’ve never seen a fly land in boiling before, and I hope I don’t see it again.  There was rice in the pan at the time as well.  Yummy.

Since When Is A Cliff A Hill?

I just love tourists.  They’re wonderful.  They have so few cares in the world.  I guess this is why I’m rubbish on holiday, as I’m permanently stressed.  And I am well aware that I've not actually had a proper holiday since I was fourteen (OMG!), but I was a very stressy fourteen year old.  Yes, stress has been a constant companion for many years now.  But anyway, I do not wish to discuss my overly stressy nature.  I may be totally neurotic, but who isn’t?  Really?  Anyway, I came across some wonderful tourist person the other day when The Toddler and I were with The Ex.  He lives near the south cliff area of our town, and we had just arrived at the top of this cliff when I overheard this chap on his phone.  He was clearly trying to direct someone to his whereabouts, and what he said was, “We’re at the seafront, on top of the hilly bit.”  That is one way to describe a cliff I suppose.  But bearing in mind that I live on a hill, I would say they are different enough that such directions might confuse me.  Now, our town is full of hills.  If someone said for me to meet them at the top of the hilly bit near the seafront, I would have to ask, north or south bay?  And then, which hilly bit in particular?  A bit with a very steep drop?  Or a bit that is definitely just a hill?  Hmm.  I just love it here at this time of year.

I nearly forgot another wonderful headline from the other day.  Police hunt plant poisoner!  It may possibly have been sabotage relating to some flower festivally type thing.  I’m not really sure I have to confess.  I don’t actually read the paper if I can help it, but the headlines make me laugh.  Or smile at least.  When they’re funny anyway.