How to Impress at a House Party

1. Turn up half an hour early, at least.  It’s essential that the person who invited you isn’t even there yet, so you are solely in the company of people who have no idea who you are.
2. Turn up drunk.
3. Boast about how many times you’ve already been sick.
4. Insult your host’s taste in music.
5. Resort to being a complete drunken loser when your host tries to get rid of you.
6. Never speak to the host ever again, unless you have the opportunity to make childish, catty asides.

I really appreciated the effort you made that night K-M.  Totally made my night.

Oh Dear

-12 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

CSA Charges

I have to confess that right now the Tories are my most favourite people in the whole world.  Oh, wait a minute.  Sorry.  They’re the right wing bastards who would demonise anyone in my position right?  Of course, all us single mums (where are the mentions of single dads hey Tories?) are lowlife wasters who want nothing more than to screw the government out whatever they have to give right?  None of us are single because we wished to escape abusive relationships are we.  None of us are single because we were unceremoniously dumped by our other-halves were we.  Hmm.  And now they’re proposing charging for the use of the Child Support Agency.  Key words there are of course Child Support.  It’s not there to help us single mums scrounge a bit more money for luxuries.  It’s there to (in theory at least) get the fathers of our children, and in some cases the mothers, to pay up their share of their child’s care.  It costs money to clothe, feed and house children.  Hell, it costs a fortune! 

Now, some wonderful politicians have come up with the theory that the CSA divides people.  What about the people who are already divided?  I know people who have had no financial help from the fathers of their children purely because the fathers didn’t want to know.  How is this the fault of the mother?  Some people can cooperate and make their own arrangements without the CSA of course.  But they are very lucky.  Trying to get money out of The Ex is a nightmare.  And may I remind you Tory arseholes that I don’t want the money so I can go and buy myself a new handbag or something.  I want the money because as The Child’s father, The Ex should be financially responsible for her as well.  I am a single mum because I didn’t want to remain in an emotionally, and potentially physically, abusive relationship.  It wasn’t healthy for me or The Child.  It wasn’t healthy for The Ex either.  That does not make me a bad person.  It makes me a person who wants the best for my daughter and myself.

And just for the record, I have been to university and have a degree.  I didn’t ever intend to be in such a situation.  I would love to get out of this situation.  Instead of making our lives even harder, perhaps you could actually think of ways to help people in my situation?  Hmm?  Or at the very least, try not to judge us all so harshly.  Most of us are fundamentally decent people trying to do what’s best for our kids.  And the CSA is rubbish anyway.  How could anyone consider it a luxury?  I suppose I am being a tad hypocritical though, expecting the Tories to empathise with us lone parents when I can’t empathise with them at all.  Oh well.  It’s not like public opinion counts for much in this day and age anyway.  But that’s democracy for you.

Music and Mood

Lately I’ve been feeling generally crap.  I hate winter and it makes me miserable.  This isn’t helped by the endless child flu and tantrums of The Child.  While feeling this way, I have found myself listening to Stereophonics almost religiously.  Now, back when I was a messed up teenager, I listened to Stereophonics almost non stop.  Hmm.  Now, maybe I should resist the urge to put on Word Gets Around, and listen to Goldfrapp’s Supernature instead?  Or perhaps I could listen to classic Madonna.  That usually puts me in a good mood.  I need something cheerful and dancey.  But I am enjoying Keep Calm and Carry On right now.  And if the music is a result of the mood, rather than the other way round, it surely isn’t a problem?  Then again, do I really want to wallow in self pity?  Not that that’s what I’m actually doing.  Grrr.  Why do I have to think too much?

Of course, getting away from this place for an afternoon might cheer me up.  A bit of sun might help too.  Grrr.  Grey, achiness, bunged-upness, and tantrums.  Need escape!

Lazy Days

It’s sometimes nice to have a day where I can just sit around at home, get a few chores done, read a bit, and try and keep The Child amused.  I usually like to get out as much as I can, even if it’s just to spend a couple of hours walking around wherever, but sometimes I just fancy a day of nothing.  The Child also responds quite positively to the rare occasions we stay in.  I suppose it’s because I’m not bossing her around and nagging her to get ready.  Hmm.  She is terrible in a morning though.  How she can make breakfast last three whole hours I’ll never know.  I love my food too much to let it sit around for ages.  I’m the girl who can polish off a piece of chocolate cake in mere seconds.  I do try to savour it, but it proves impossible.  Mmm, chocolate cake.  And I have all the ingredients required for the 1 minute chocolate mug cake.  Must resist cravings.

Anyway, this week has been a busy week.  Even our lazy day last Sunday was somewhat productive, as I managed to get The Child’s hair cut.  I did it myself, and I didn’t do too bad a job of it if I do say so myself.  I also forked out for my own haircut this week, but as it has been nearly a year since the last one, it was getting a bit desperate.  I now feel lighter, and like I’ve had a good week.  It would have been better had The Child not been suffering from what I now call Child Flu.  She’s got yet another cold, but my god does the rest of the world have to suffer through it with her.  I’ve been feeling pretty rough myself, all achy and bunged.  Grrr.  Winter.  I look forward to the lukewarm weather of summer in Britain.  Unless we have a horrid heat wave again.  Or endless rain.  Hmm.

I’m not sure whether or not to feel sorry for The Ex though.  Another of his ex’s has been in touch recently.  She's on the verge of getting married, but has made it clear that she’s far from happy.  She’s also apparently bought The Ex a valentine's present.  Hmm.  Hope he doesn’t expect me to follow suit.  Haha.  He thinks she wants to get back with him.  I think she must be mad if that’s the case.  Of course, she could just be being friendly.  But then again, I always write things off as that, until it becomes blatantly obvious otherwise.  I’m thinking about the guy who was possibly just being friendly to me a year ago.  But if he was just being friendly, why the hell tell me he didn’t get tax credits when it transpired he had a girlfriend and kid at home?  Hmm.  Now I could be wrong but unless you’re earning what I would consider a hefty sum, if you have a kid you get tax credits.  No wonder he took to avoiding me. 

How to be a Good Parent

I’ve never been particularly confident in my parenting skills.  Ok, I’ve doubted myself from the very beginning.  Anyway, I’ve been taking a kind of parenting course thing since the beginning of January.  I’ve picked up some very useful tips, and discovered how much I have already been doing incredibly right.  I have of course been doing some things wrong, but this course has certainly helped build up my confidence a bit, and I’ve only had a few classes.  I hope to learn lots more.  The Child certainly seems to be behaving a bit better than normal sometimes, as I can manage her a lot more confidently.  She’s always responded well to stickers, and the discovery of reward charts last year was a god send.  Of course, not all children will respond to such things.

She still has a destructive nature though, and has recently found a way to reach absolutely everything on the kitchen worktop.  I’m not exactly thrilled.  There are definitely times that I wish she wasn’t growing up so fast.  Where’s my little girl gone?  Hmm.  She’s turned into an overconfident and stubborn individual.  Though she still tends towards shyness in new situations.  Shame she’s far from shy in others.  She’s still chasing postmen down our street, and waving at bus drivers.  Bless her.  Thank god she’s nothing like me in temperament.  Now that would be a challenge.  Then again, we might not argue so much.  It’s such a bizarre thing having a proper row with a four year old I can tell you.

One highly entertaining moment came though when we were watching Star Wars last week.  She decided to try out a new word.  “Darth Vader's a poo poo,” she declared.  Bad mother that I am, I burst out laughing.  Questioning of The Child revealed that she had learnt this insult from a boy at nursery.  I have to admire the culprit’s restraint.  In this day and age ‘poo poo’ is amazingly tame.  She hasn’t used it during a row yet though.  This may be a good thing, as I might just lose my ability to stay cross if she did.  Must be firm.  Calm but firm.  Must remember what I’ve learned.  Positive discipline. 

But I think I can live with being referred to as a ‘poo poo’ or a ‘conker’ (she gets plonker and conker mixed up) for the time being.  Only too soon she’ll be learning more colourful language.  And in nine years she shall be a teenager.  What a pleasant thought.  How I look forward to those slamming doors and teenage strops.  Joy.  I guess I’m really not wanting her to grow up in a hurry.  She shall damn well start drinking out of a cup now though.  I don’t want her drinking out of beakers when she’s at school, like a certain someone I know.  I do pity her poor cousins.  They’ve been sharing a bed since he totally outgrew his cot a few months ago, despite the fact that they have a bunk bed.  The top bunk’s used for toy storage though.  Finding somewhere else to put the toys so the kids can sleep in more comfort?  Too much like hard work for some people.  Poor things.