When I was a child, my mother stayed at home bringing up my two sisters and myself. I never thought that there was anything wrong with this. Most of my childhood friends also had their mothers at home. And back then, I think society as a whole accepted that. Yet now, as a stay at home mother, I seem to come across an awful lot of prejudice against mothers who choose to stay at home with their children.
Now maybe I'm just being stupid, but why should I want to pay someone else to bring up my child for me while I earn a pittance, most of which ends up paying for the childcare? And especially when I would rather be at home bringing up my child myself anyway? This attitude was emphasised however, when getting her birth registered. When hearing that I was unemployed, they asked me what my previous job was. And when i mentioned working as a waitress while I was at university, they seized on that. My daughter's birth certificate therefore states that I am a graduate. Great. Mine states my mother as a homemaker or something like that. Though of course, that doesn't appear to be acceptable anymore.
But seriously. When my daughter was born, I was always being asked when I planned to start work. My answer has always been, when she starts school. And I have to say, this is often met with a look of disapproval. And this was before I became a single mother scrounging off the government. Though, like I said, I do want to start work when she's at school. Being at home forever does not appeal to me. I'm not lazy. I just want to be there for my own child, bringing her up my way. Why should I pay someone else to do the job that I want to do, and that I can do, just so that I can do some other job?
Of course, if you're a working mother then that's your choice, and I respect that. But please in that case respect my decision. It doesn't make me any less of a person, or any worse a person. It just makes me someone who made a different choice to the one you made. And it's not like it's an easy job either. However, I find it incredibly rewarding. More so than many other jobs out there. And it is a job by the way.
In any case, I suppose I pity those people who believe themselves above women like me. I pity then for being unable to understand why someone might make the choice I've made. Married or not, the decision is about doing what we believe to be best for our children. And ok I admit there is a bit of selfishness in there. I want to be the one who first hears her utter new words, or first witnesses her latest accomplishments. But I'm the one who brought her into the world, so why shouldn't I be allowed such privileges? Some women may decide to stay at home because they have a husband who earns enough to support them and the children. These same women may also still pay people to bring up their kids for them. However, not all of us stay at home mothers choose this option because we don't wish to work. Lots of working mothers work because they are better off financially. I would be better off if I worked, but I made the decision to be worse off so I can bring my daughter up. I am no better than them. They are no better than me. We just made a different choice.
There are two sides to this argument, and I personally do not feel that any one side is right. It should be down to what you personally think is the best thing for yourself and your child, not what society as a whole seems to deem most appropriate. Trends do of course change with time. Who knows, it could all change again soon enough. And then mothers like myself may be looking down on those who choose to work.
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