Stressful Times

I might have gone a bit mad with the stress lately.  At my lowest point yesterday I actually began to wonder if maybe I should start thinking about going along to the doctors again.  It's been a few years now since I was last on the happy pills, and they never really worked for me.  I've never been convinced that any of my problems were due to a chemical imbalance, even when I was suicidal with depression.  Which I haven't been for nearly ten years now.  It was an on/off thing between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four.  Funnily enough, leaving The Ex seemed to cure that one for good.  Don't get me wrong, I still have periods of wishing I could cease to exist, but the desire to actually plunge sharp objects into my wrists has well and truly vanished.  Hopefully for good.  Like I said, the urge has been absent since I was twenty-four, and left The Ex.

But since Crazy sent that message to my boyfriend about how I should get counselling if (shock horror) I'm still not over what The Ex put me through, if he really put me through it, I've been wondering if there isn't something I might do beyond spouting off on here like some kind of crazy person.  I'm still not as crazy as Crazy though.  I actually recognise the wrongness of emotional abuse for a start.  But then she doesn't seem to believe me, not that she wants to hear what I have to say on the matter.  Which would be fine, if she didn't insist upon joining in when The Ex starts on at me.  I have no desire to go into all that again.  But I wasn't wrong to be cross when they let my daughter go in a car with no seat-belt, while the rest of them were all safely buckled in.  She was in the back middle seat as well.  And until The Ex gives me a reason to trust him, why the hell should I?  Especially when he's the least trustworthy person I know.  Just because he's perfect in Crazy's eyes, is no excuse for her to jump down the throat of anyone who has good reason to disagree.  Especially if she is unwilling to even hear the other person's side of the argument.  Very strange.

But I am feeling a bit better today.  Less desperate for a resolution.  Which I'm not going to get from them.  But I'm ok with that right now.  I might not be later.  But I am right now.  Besides, I've more important things to think about now.  Like the fact that I'm moving house in a week!  Hopefully!  And my god is that stressful.  I've still so much stuff to pack.  And most of my books have moved already.  I need my books for my sanity.  Though I still have hold of Marian Keyes latest.  I love her.  She's so funny.  I wish I could write like her.  Instead of like me.  Something to aim for I suppose.