Motherhood Take Two

It's been a little while since I last wrote here. In truth, some of my earlier posts embarrass me a little. I suppose that means I've grown up a bit more over the past however many years. Deleting anything feels a little wrong though, so I'll leave everything as is for now. Of course, I doubt very much that I'll be writing anything of better quality than before, but the urge to write something, anything, was there, so here I am.

I'm currently melting in this heat, which is only exacerbated by the fact that I'm heavily pregnant. I'm too tired to do much, yet feel like I'm going mad when I can't do much. And to make matters even less fun, this baby seems to enjoy mauling me from the inside. Of course, the movements are reassuring, if a bit uncomfortable. My due date can't come soon enough though. My daughter's very excited as well. She can't wait to be a big sister. She's only been badgering me for a sibling for years. I had to find her a decent step-dad first though. And I did that. My husband is lovely. Though my ex did set a very low bar.

Actually, I've been finding all the recent stuff about domestic abuse quite interesting to follow. I wish the emotional abuse side of things had been acknowledged more ten years ago. I might have actually thought to seek some help then. But I don't know. I knew the way he was treating me was unacceptable, despite the fact that he didn't actually hit me. Though he told our daughter recently that I once told him I would never get married or have anymore children. Apparently I'm not allowed to change my mind over the course of ten years, and after meeting the loveliest man I've ever known. But that's my ex's opinion. What makes it stranger though is that his wife seems to share this opinion. At least outwardly. Who knows what she really thinks or feels. I do know that if my husband had such an unhealthy fixation on his ex, especially so long after they actually broke up, he wouldn't be my husband. But it's easy for me to say that. I got out of my situation. I only put up with it for four and a half years. And yes, I was guilty of not standing my ground often enough in the following years, but I was trying to keep things amicable for our daughter's sake. Unfortunately amicable no longer exists. I had the nerve to get married, and pregnant. How dare I move on. Though he allegedly has. I know I shouldn't dwell on the situation. I know I should try and push him and what he put me through out of my mind. It is difficult exorcising him completely though. I hope one day, possibly once our daughter hits eighteen, I can eradicate him from my life completely. Realistically, I can't do that before then. Not completely. But at least I have a supportive and understanding husband. And we're having a baby! Scarily soon! Exciting times ahead.