Self Discipline

I don’t have much in the way of self discipline.  I think this is my problem.  It’s why I’m so rubbish at teaching myself things.  Like guitar.  I need more self discipline if I’m ever going to get anywhere near adequate on the guitar.  Anyway, where I could really use some self discipline at the moment is with this essay I have to write for next Wednesday.  Actually I kind of have two essays.  Anyway, I will start them this weekend.  I will.  And who knows, I might even finish them this weekend too.  With a little bit of self discipline anyway.  Hmm.  But seriously, I need to read the CBT notes again so I can reteach myself all the things I’ve learned so I can try and make myself somewhat saneish (as it’s not a real word I’ve no idea whether to leave the ‘e’ in or not) again.  I’m dwelling on things again, and that’s completely pointless.  Now I remember reading some pretty nifty quotes during the past few weeks.  There were of course the pithy slogans as well.  And that’s not CBT, that’s solution focused therapy.  The pithy slogans bit that is.  I’m pretty sure the quotes I liked were relating to the cognitive behavioural stuff.

So, now I could ask myself the miracle question.  If all my problems went away while I was sleeping tonight, how would I know when I wake up in the morning?  Hmm, I’ve no idea.  I might know what my problems are, but I’m not sure that I know what the ultimate solution is.  See, I totally overthink stuff.  The miracle question doesn’t work for me.  One of my problems is unemployment, but the solution to that won’t make me happy.  I don’t want to be a waitress.  Yes it’ll be a job, and I have applied for some waitressing jobs, but I wouldn’t be happy.  I suppose my miracle question answer would be that I have a job as a counsellor.  Realistically though this will probably never happen.  So what’s the point considering it right now?  Grrr.  And now I have no idea where I was going with this post.  It doesn’t have much to do with self discipline I guess.  Or maybe that’s it, I need to teach myself not to overthink things, and then maybe the miracle question will work, and I won’t be too cynical and stuff.  Hmm.  I really wish I could understand my mind more, how I come to the various conclusions I do about things.  And seriously, I come to many conclusions about the same thing.  Monday’s Facebook message for example.  Why was it sent to me?  I’ve considered many different possibilities.  Of course I could ask the sender, but that’s not going to happen.  I’ve taken on board enough of the things we’ve covered in counselling to know that would be a bad idea.  Don't chase things that you can’t achieve.  You’ll just feel a failure, or worse.

So I guess I have some self discipline after all.  I just need more.  Or is that greedy?  Can one have too much self discipline?  Now there’s a question.

Ok, so here’s my answer to the miracle question.  How will I know if all my problems are solved?  Well, I’d be sleeping well for one thing.  I’d wake up actually feeling relaxed and rested.  That would be nice.  No stress.  No worries.  I’d feel happy.  Like this:

Instead of like this: