Impasse

So, The Ex and myself have come to some sort of impasse I think.  This is the second nasty row we’ve had recently, and both have ended with him basically performing a character assassination.  Actually, he really needs to figure out what character assassination means as he accuses me of it now.  Apparently my being irritated by his occasional memory lapses and such is character assassination, whereas him criticising just about every aspect of my personality isn’t.  I’m beginning to remember just why our relationship was a complete disaster now though.  Perhaps I was stupid to think we could actually be relatively good friends.  It’s a shame really though considering I’m about as shy as they come and find it really difficult getting to know people.  As a result I have hardly any friends (I’m assuming that’s the reason.  I refuse to believe I’m as unlovable as The Ex would have me believe at times), and those I do have live miles away.  I feel incredibly isolated at times.  I suppose that’s why I’ve clung onto this ‘friendship’ for so long.

I could have done with him realising he just doesn’t like me a few years ago to be honest.  Actually if he’d realised it nine years ago that would have been good.  In fact, he still needs to realise it, as he’s claiming he wants to be my friend still.  For that to work though I need to change just about every aspect of my personality.  Though of course he says my personality isn’t the issue.  To shed a little light, he has issues with my shyness, my quietness, the fact that I’m not particularly extroverted and am rubbish at talking about random things I know nothing about, and the fact that I don’t require his babysitting skills on account of never going out.  Oh and he has issues with my hatred of the government too.  Apparently I act as though I’m the only one they’re screwing over.  Which is of course why I talk about how they’re basically screwing over anyone who isn’t rich.  But never mind.  At least he didn’t attack my atheism.  And in defence of the never going out thing, given he’s like the only friend I have in this town, who am I supposed to be going out with exactly?  My imaginary boyfriend?  Perhaps he just threw that one in to rub in the fact I have no social life, whereas he does.  Good for him I say.  And yes, I might be a little jealous of the fact he has more of a life than I do.  At least I admit it though.  And I am of course hoping that I manage to make some more friends when/if I find a job.

So, we’re at this impasse then.  I don’t think I’m going to be able to perform a personality transplant, so I’m not sure we can remain friends.  And I wish he would try and understand my viewpoint on this.  Perhaps he’s just being a bastard.  He’ll probably take everything he’s said back later.  In which case the question is do I forgive him for the sake of keeping the peace and just wait for the next time?  Or do I put my foot down and say we only talk when it concerns The Child?  And now I’m torn again.  I only made the attempt at friendship in the first place because of The Child.  Grrr.  I wish life was more simple.