The Perfect Man List

A list I’ve compiled of all traits I find desirable.  In an effort to prevent myself from falling for the wrong guy, I have decided I shall consider no one who does not fulfil at least almost all of these criteria.  And yes, I am aware that means I shall probably be single for a very very long time.  Though it shall be totally through choice of course.

• Can drive.
• Has his own car.
• Is sensible with money (but not incapable of the occasional splurge).
• Is good looking (shallow I know, but we are talking perfection here).
• Is not averse to children (for The Child’s sake).
• Respects me.
• Has a decent job that he enjoys.
• Is funny/has a good sense of humour/etc.
• Gives me space.
• Is supportive.
• Has no strange hobbies.
• No longer lives with his parents.
• Has likeable friends (and introduces me to them).
• Is willing to dispose of spiders on my behalf, without making fun of my pointless phobia.
• Must not be arachnophobic.
• Preferably doesn’t have an obsessive love of sports (though some interest is ok).
• Good in bed.
• Rings when he says he will.
• Puts up with my bad habits/fussiness/etc., and may even find certain things endearing.
• Can play guitar (or possibly drums).
• Likes my cooking.
• Doesn’t blame all my problems on my hormones/lack of sex/my cynicism.
• Accepts that I have down days, and is supportive of this instead of getting irritated (he may excuse himself from my company for a few days if necessary).
• Is intelligent.
• Has common sense.
• Is good at DIY.
• Is not addicted to porn (though a collection of stuff is acceptable.  He is only human after all).
• No baggage from previous relationships (though can accept ex-wives/children if there’s no bitterness involved anywhere.  The Ex and myself have more or less managed it after all).
• Has a degree, or at least the intelligence required to get one (experience of uni is preferable though).
• Is a good cook.
• Has good taste in music, though accepts my occasional need for trash.
• Enjoys reading, and has a good sizeable collection of decent books.
• Has nice, pleasant relatives who are easy to get along with, and don’t pry into his business too much.
• Has good personal hygiene.
• Is not overly jealous or controlling.
• Is older than me.
• Doesn’t want any children/any more children.
• Loves me.
• Doesn’t freak out about my past stuff.
• Sees the humour in The Ex and The Family situation.
• Has no racist, homophobic, or fascist inclinations a la Psycho.
• Doesn’t smoke.
• Has no addictions of any kind, and doesn’t drink too much (coffee is allowed though).
• Never stands me up (any lateness comes forewarned).
• Is not religious.
• Preferably has a full head of hair.
• Is good at giving massages.
• Doesn’t freak out about this list.